i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we're so committed to being not committed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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