I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
