i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
