Where is the hickey?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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