____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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