Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
