dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want nice things and good sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
