i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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