just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
