remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
