Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
