your thong is hanging out like whoa
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
