There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
