Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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