I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
