She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize