Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
