I hate your face
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
