im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What a dumb baby whore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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