I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
