Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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