I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Farmville is her only friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
