Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
