You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
