Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
