need another drink. this is the easiest way
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
