Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
