my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
