I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
