cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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