3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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