well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
