fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
