I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
