Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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