I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
