I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
