im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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