seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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