I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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