Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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