I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
