I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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