smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
