"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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