Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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