I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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