Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
