wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
