just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
