But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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