I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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