Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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