i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
