So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
