like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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