I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
