I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
