wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
