UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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