the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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