You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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