i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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