Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wear drunk well.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
